Well, I’m Not Sure What I’m Supposed to Do Here
Oh, and I guess I can't deal with those weeds like I was planning to any day now, either. Thanks a lot, turtle
So, I have a good old-fashioned gravelly driveway, not one of your modern paved jobs, and some stupid turtle has decided to bury some eggs in it, in what is probably the second-worst place around here I could think to stick them (the worst would be a few feet over, under where I actually drive over all the time).
The only good news, as you can see from the photo and the fact that the little bugger’s head has completely disappeared, is that it is a Painted Turtle (temperament: docile, wary) and not a snapping turtle (temperament: crazed mad bastard finger eater). The last turtle I had nest next to my house was one of those, and it is a pain having some turtle hissing and snapping at you whenever you walk by. But now I suppose I have to be careful driving in, lest I drive over a turtle visiting her nest, or worse yet, little baby turtles, neither of which are known for their ability to dodge oncoming vehicles.
I believe you should pour some radioactive material on them, and have them raised by a rat. You could name them Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michelangelo. Then you will finally be able to thwart that evil Shredder.